Some inspiration

I've always been a follow your heart and live kind of person, especially when it comes to the work I choose to do, my life purpose and how I define myself. 

I've always felt very spiritual about it. That God must have plonked me at a place for a reason. For me to learn, and be of use. When I first walked along the criminal courts, I said a prayer everyday to guide me and to do the right thing. 

Today I came across the founder of Aravind Eyecare and have been moved so much by what he has to say:

Dr. V begins and ends every day at the hospital with a visit to the meditation room for "a silent talk with God". In discussing his work as a spiritual practice, Dr. V has said, "When I go to meditation room at the hospital every morning, I ask God that I be a better tool, a receptacle for the divine force. We can all serve humanity in our normal professional lives by being more generous and less selfish in what we do. You don't have to be a 'religious' person to serve God. You serve God by serving humanity."

Sprong learns drama

I have been trying to teach Sprong the concept of drama. When I get him to tell me a story, it will be more like Once upon a time, there was a boy and he went to the beach. THE END.

Where's the story Sprong? I say. Where's the drama? Especially now that you are going for Speech&Drama in school, Teacher Priscilla has thought you all about running away from scary animal et al. Drama Sprong, Drama!!!

Then, on the way to school this morning, he told me a story. Usually we do Math but today he wanted to tell me a story. And this was his story:

Once upon a time, there lived a lion. A dragon came along and gave out a big, big fire from his mouth. The lion was burnt. It was hot everywhere. The end.

And there you go, little Sprong has learnt drama. And made his momma cackle all the way to school this morning.

Hope yet

There is hope yet. I was pretty depressed when Wispy turned two last week.

Like, there goes my last excuse for post partum fat.

I can no longer say I just had a baby. Baby is 2 year old toddler. Then, I found out that gorgeous Sonam Kapoor was once 90kgs. So there is hope yet.

Auhmmmmmmmm

Auhm

I should be miserable this weekend.

I have a report given to me on Friday which is due Monday which means that I am working throughout the weekend.

But I must count my blessings.

Work for me on a Saturday morning is on the dining table of my home, a morning shower blessing the world and my children puttering in the living room, playing indoor baseball with their dad.

I sometimes don't count my blessings. Yes, I want bigger and I mean way bigger dreams for my business but at the moment, there's work trickling in, slowly, surely and I am still in control of my time with my lovelies.

Auhm.

Wispy Boo Does Sentences and Spong's Vocab

So around CNY holidays this year, that's 20-25 Feb, Wispy has seriously started speaking better. I can heave relief because I was quite worried about his lack of clarity.

One evening, as they climbed up the dining table to rummage on some of my noodles and I offered to feed him, Wispy said 'I do it myself'.

M and I stopped in our tracks. 'What did you?'

He gave us his wicked smile 'I do it myself' he said it again.

Ha ha. Since then, he wants to do everything himself, climb up the car seat, brush his teeth, comb his hair, climb down the stairs.

Wispy Boo, almost 2.

XXX

Sprong's ability to drive me up the wall increases but his intellectual abilities astound even the teachers.  A typical boy, his writing is atrocious but before his 4th birthday, Sprong has been able to spell

alligator
biscuit
cookie
pizza
sugar
vulture
snake
dinosaur (DINOSAUR!)
kangaroo
crocodile
and any other animal

And of course, he can read his peter and jane and most of the sight words: here, there, now, is, are

At 3.4, he was doing bat, cat, hat, bus, car,

2012

So, a new year is here. I feel fresh and free.

At least for a short while.

Had a great birthday yesterday.

I pray to the spirits of the universe for a good and benevolent here.

Christmas, 2011 and all the brouhaha

Have a million things in my mind but feeling a bit crap and shite. Need to do a retrospect of the year. Really should.

Tomorrow.

In my best Gloria Gaynor impression...

...I will survive.

Somedays, life defeats me. Two days ago, I was all in global domination mode.

And suddenly,yesterday, a distant news severs my limbs and heart. I spent the night sleepless at the turn of events, how will I manage, I asked again and again and again.

But today, I am all 'seize the world, kick some ass' again.

I will be okay as long as I stay absocrazily focused on the end game.

JS

Some poetry tonight for Sprong

My heart aches, and a drowsy numbness pains
My sense, as though of hemlock I had drunk,
Or emptied some dull opiate to the drains
One minute past, and Lethe-wards had sunk:
'Tis not through envy of thy happy lot,
But being too happy in thy happiness,
That thou, light-winged Dryad of the trees.
In some melodious plot
Of beechen green, and shadows numberless,
Singest of summer in full-throated eas

Tyger, William Blake

Tyger! Tyger! burning bright In the forests of the night, What immortal hand or eye Could frame thy fearful symmetry?

In what distant deeps or skies
Burnt the fire of thine eyes?
On what wings dare he aspire?
What the hand dare sieze the fire?

And what shoulder, & what art.
Could twist the sinews of thy heart?
And when thy heart began to beat,
What dread hand? & what dread feet?

What the hammer? what the chain?
In what furnace was thy brain?
What the anvil? what dread grasp
Dare its deadly terrors clasp?

When the stars threw down their spears,
And watered heaven with their tears,
Did he smile his work to see?
Did he who made the Lamb make thee?

Tyger! Tyger! burning bright
In the forests of the night,
What immortal hand or eye
Dare frame thy fearful symmetry?

1794

XXXX

Little lamb, who made thee?
Dost thou know who made thee,
Gave thee life, and bade thee feed
By the stream and o’er the mead;
Gave thee clothing of delight,
Softest clothing, wooly, bright;
Gave thee such a tender voice,
Making all the vales rejoice?
Little lamb, who made thee?
Dost thou know who made thee?

Little lamb, I’ll tell thee;
Little lamb, I’ll tell thee:
He is called by thy name,
For He calls Himself a lamb,
He is meek, and He is mild,
He became a little child;
I a child, and thee a Lamb,
We are called by His Name.
Little lamb, God bless thee!
Little lamb, God bless thee!

So lately....feeling a bit like Gaundamani with a flower

1. So, I felt fairly bimboish at this corridor of power meeting. Bah. But my question is if these powerful men claim to be the know all,why aren't they doing what they should have? WHY wait for so long.

2. En..o, my baby company, needs a lot more tending, loving and sunhine sent.

3. At the same time, I don't want to drive it in directions beyond my capacity. I think I am going to take it one day at a time, if I bite more than I can chew, my beloved children will bear the brunt of my foolishness.

4. I need to energize with Wispy and Sprong. This weekend, I want to snuggle up to them, seep some of their goodness and not do much at all.

5. It's going to be year end and I need to mend some relationships. Scathing words have made emotional wounds, scars that are licked in quiet corners of the mind. Not my proudest moments but I am human. I will open my heart and give my hands, ask for new beginnings as the new year beckons. Beyond that, I will let go.

6. I miss reading for pleasure, reading poetry. I need to dig out some Keats this weekend and read aloud with Sprong to enjoy the cadence of beauty.

7. An appointment was made and I am pretty chuffed. It's a real honour.

8. K's impact in my life is so profound. I think we both connect at a girly hahaha level but also at a much more intellectual level. She will also be a business partner which I am looking forward to because she has the right balance of common sense and work. I really adore her as an adult friend. Meaning she's not from childhood or college but has forged this amazing bond in my heart.

9. I need to plan December holidays soon. Where to go.

10. If I pray real hard, do you think God will hear me and make everything come true and I can take it super easy for 3 months starting January and just be what I want to be in my heart: MOM. And nothing else. And be with my beloved Sprong and Wispy all day and night.

BAHHHHHHH

I just sat down and poured my heart out on blogger and spent half an hour on latest drivel. It's all gone...

Wispy goodness

Wispy spreads his goodness every day, an angelic joy that keeps mommy floating in happiness The minute he is up and spreads his gorgeous sunshiny smile, I hug him tighter andwatch how his black curls fall over his forehead as he starts his morning babble.

How can such loveliness be gifted to me? What did I do to be holding this treasure every day, before I let go and let him go into the world and spread more of his Wispy-goodness.

Which will happen when he starts play school in January.

Current improved vocabulary at 21 months:

1. No more (his first phrase emerged at 20 months, yay Wispy!)

2. Ok

3. Neeno (for fire engine and fireman Sam, duh)

4. All farmyard animals and zoo animals

5. Ufflo (for the Gruffalo)

Apart from his regular ya, no, ammee, papa, avva, tata, annae, sitti (for my sisters)

Wispy, you're such a riot and Ammee ADORES you to bitsypieces okay.

Counting Blessings

There are days when I just fail to count my blessings. Of the goodness and wonderful things that have been gifted to me.

When I come home and Wispy runs to the gate to say 'ammee' (that's his version of mummy).

And when both mess around on the bed with me and Wispy comes to give me a bite and Sprong joins in attacking their mommy to much giggles.

When beautiful people paint their stories in my life. And spread a little of their goodness.

From K, I have learnt so much about relationships and what it means to be a woman with priorities. I extract her wisdom and keep it close. When I grow up, I want to be like K, so in control of her life and such a kindred spirit.

With MT, I have dreams of conquering a new world as we start thinking of consolidating synergies. With MT, I can say let's start a TV channel and she will say OK without batting eyelid and asking 'but how on earth!' MT makes me feel like I can take on the world.

With Blabs, the only person in the world who will never judge me after I have spilled out my guts and showed the entrails.

I think I never say enough to each one of them how much they mean to me, each one a sunbeam that streams into my heart.

On some days, it does get so, so, so hard....

There are days when I am a banshee, screaming at the kids to sit up, eat and not drop anything on the floor. I am shouting, shouting, shouting. I am tired, fed up of cleaning and washing them up and cooking and worst of all, feeding. I HATE feeding them. Why can't they self feed. Especially Wispy who want to play with his food after 5 seconds.

Sprong comes up and says 'please mommy don't be angry at me' and I STOP. And continue after an hour. There are days when I am such a horrible mom.

There are days when it is all so, so hard.

random

Frenzied weekend. So much on my mind.

Went Bollywood dancing last Friday. It means basically wiggly hands and bum to bollywood songs. Had lots of fun and also fab workout. The last exercise I did was delivering wispy and that is already 2 years.

So about time I start a proper regime and bollywood dancing is pretty cool I must say.

M's capacity to drive me up the wall increases. There are days when I look at him and realise that the only thing in common we have are the 2 boys.

Sigh.

enviable

Today, as at 11:20 am, the enviable has officially gone live. Yay, yay, yay!

Everything feels more real now. That I have a real business soon and I need to put myself out there and sell enviable soon.

bereft

Meeting A and M again at SY's wedding last weekend made me realize how little of the past we take with us.

Sometimes, it is better to have memories. When I met Tina again after 12 years, http://splenderfulchronicles.blogspot.com/2006/02/this-hole-in-my-heart-is-in-shape-of.html, I was keynoting at a conference and she was attending.

We hugged and kissed and talked about everything at lunch- kids, husbands, life. But there was a distance that made me bereft.

I have become a different me, that's all.

How goes things?

No reading, no nurturing of inner goddessness, no living. Just work and chasing of fragments.

Fragments.

control ephemeral self empowering floating